I ask myself that a lot of times, but it's not as easy.. like any relationship moving on and getting over is hard because of the memories that THEY left. It's fcuking unbearable, I bet they're having a good laugh about how miserable my life seems to be going. Honestly, my life is not miserable, I'm satisfied and happy, but I still wish I have them in my life, then again that's almost impossible. I could live my life without them and I've been doing that. Darryl said that there's nothing wrong with swallowing my pride, it's not my pride that's getting in the way.. it's the fact that I feel that I've tried my best to rekindle it, but it seems that my efforts didn't get me anywhere. As far as I went I didn't know what else I could do, but you know how they said once you break something you can't get it back to its original state, you could only get as far. I guess that's where I was but I was trying to get it back to its natural state, guess that wasnt cutting it. I'm not the one to talk anyways maybe there wasnt anymore room for fixing things, but up to now what I still don't understand is why it was such a big deal.. or i dont even understand what brought us to this place. I really don't know, like gaby and I said "Tell me where I went wrong?" I won't loose anything by "trying again" only two things can happen, maybe gain them back or things will stay the way they are, which I'm fine with. That line stuck to me since darryl and I talked about it, and I promised I'd do something about it, but till now I haven't made a move. Eminem said "I spent so much energy on it, honestly I'm exhausted." Go figure.I really wanna move on with my life but I can't cus I'm here on my comfort zone avoiding what possibly could hurt me. When I'm up to date of your agenda and I know I'm not a part of it, how am I supposed to feel about that? Then again maybe that's just how it really is. Man, I gotta face my fears. Mainly the reason why I quit fcuking facebook. Lol, as funny as it sounds it's heartbreaking. My bff's for 6 fcuking years down the drain. It's crazy! I know that nothing lasts forever and that good things always come to an end but a friendship that used to be so genuine shouldn't be like this.
So how do I face my fears? I'm tired of being in my comfort zone and isolatingyself from the world because I don't wanna get hurt again. I didnt know that friendship can cause you the same pain as relationship break up. It feels like I broke up with someone who I've been with for 6 years, well.. that's basically it. Muuhhh..
Internet drama is well known, and I'm not trying to start anything.. I'm just expressing my feelings and if it's such a crime, you shouldnt even be pondering on my shit. Then again, I should just talk to someone about this and not put my life on public like this.
Fcuk it, this the last.
NOW WILL YOU LET ME STUDY??!?!?! My minds been pre-occupied.
