Merry Christmas!

I waited 3yrs& I finally got my promise ring. Thank you Darryl, I love you!

Well, I'm delighted.

I jst finished watching T.I. on VH1, I felt like I spent an hour with him. Haha, I'm so weird.. but hey, I have this strong attraction towards him that never left me. I love him as an individual. Ahh, okay enough.

We'll jst see where this leads, kapish?

Depressed than ever.

I really miss my long hair! I keep complaining and people jst keep saying "It'll grow back," I know it will! I just want my hair back now. Lol, I'm so mad at myself.. I keep thinking back to that moment when I told the lady how I wanted my hair& it keeps replaying back in my head, what if I told her I jst wanted to thin out my hair instead of cutting almost all of my hair! It's so funny too cuhs I know how much I hate short hair and yet I went and chopped off my hair. Such a bad decision& now I'm crying and awaiting for this damn hair to grow. I've been looking around for extensions and seeing what my options are, but I think about the price.. is it worth it? Hah.

I know I said I hated school, I only did because it wasn't taking me anywhere. This budget cut affected me cus classes were cut back therefore almost everything is full& I couldn't even get in to any science classes. So my plans of getting out and transferring might be postponed. FML! Right now though, I love my developmental psych and socio class. :)

Alot has happened, you don't even know. I'm refraining from this whole blogging thing cus I jst don't have time. Straightening out my life is harder than I thought! Whew, but the ride is coming along.. getting old is something I can't get over. I jst can't wait till I'm fully independent. I miss a lot of things, and somethings never change. It never left me alone.. I'm working on it though. There's jst a lot going on that even my mind can't settle on what to do. I've accomplished alot over the year and failed a good amount, but what's life without the negativity right? I guess patience is key.

It's all over..

but I somehow wish I could go back in time& re-do it.

Anyways, lazyness kicks in.. I dont know when it'll stop. So far, so good. I hate school, no surprise to that. I think I'm doing myself a favor and do what I really wanna do. I'm tired of waiting and taking the LONGER way, I knew I shoulda done this a while back.. but hey. I thought about going back home, hmm? Two years, I might be a little home sick.. my whole life is practically here. We'll see though. For now, maybe something else..

I miss.. mm, nah. It wont change anything anyways.

sometimes..

I wish for alot of things to just go away, meaning for it to never exist in my life. if I were to live in my own world, I think it'd be much easier to do the things I wish to do. I'm sick and tired of these things running after me, it's been a fcuking year and still nothing changed. Nothing moved to it's original position. NOTHING. Please do me a favor and leave me alone so I can finally get to stepping with my life. I want nothing to do with it. Fcuk the life I used to have, so please no more. kthanksbye.

On my iPhone...

"time will heal it.."
that song never gets old.

Anyways, I just woke up, I'm gonna do most of my reading and notes today for bio since I have a test tomorrow. I'm totally giving up with this :( but I'm just coping. Well, I'm having a rough ass week! I've had 2 straight nightmares and they are not good, I used to love sleeping cus it's like an escape to reality, now I'm scared cus my dreams feels real now a days :( &thats bad. Besides that I'm glad stats is over with, I still don't know my grade up to now, idk when they are posting it.

My hormones are crazy, I've been craving for attention since the weekend and whenever I don't get it I'm all pissy. Ugh, why do periods make you like this? Haha, so to top it off darryls not helping me! I hate him. I'm also mad because I haven't gotten my laptop back and it's almost gonna be 3 weeks this saturday, still they have no exact date :( the fcuk son!

Well, I am excited for next weekend cus we are going camping!! Were going to yosimite and this is gonna be chill cus everyones going. Its crazy cus all my aunts and uncles are nurses so it's kinna hard to plan things with them, but we actually planned something. I am excited! :) Haha till then I am one miserable needy bitch. Bleehh, I've been home alone. My brothers at camp and little brothers at my uncles house. Whatevs. Bio is ending next week and I'm happy. It's stupid cuhs I only had 3 weeks of summer vacation all in all! :(

I have been looking for a male maltese for Julia! Eversince we got her groomed, the lady told us that she's ready and that she'd make cute babies. Therefore, Ive been all up on the internet looking for her mate. Ive got a couple of emails, so we shall see. Im excited about that too!

When am I ever gonna get over it?

I ask myself that a lot of times, but it's not as easy.. like any relationship moving on and getting over is hard because of the memories that THEY left. It's fcuking unbearable, I bet they're having a good laugh about how miserable my life seems to be going. Honestly, my life is not miserable, I'm satisfied and happy, but I still wish I have them in my life, then again that's almost impossible. I could live my life without them and I've been doing that. Darryl said that there's nothing wrong with swallowing my pride, it's not my pride that's getting in the way.. it's the fact that I feel that I've tried my best to rekindle it, but it seems that my efforts didn't get me anywhere. As far as I went I didn't know what else I could do, but you know how they said once you break something you can't get it back to its original state, you could only get as far. I guess that's where I was but I was trying to get it back to its natural state, guess that wasnt cutting it. I'm not the one to talk anyways maybe there wasnt anymore room for fixing things, but up to now what I still don't understand is why it was such a big deal.. or i dont even understand what brought us to this place. I really don't know, like gaby and I said "Tell me where I went wrong?" I won't loose anything by "trying again" only two things can happen, maybe gain them back or things will stay the way they are, which I'm fine with. That line stuck to me since darryl and I talked about it, and I promised I'd do something about it, but till now I haven't made a move. Eminem said "I spent so much energy on it, honestly I'm exhausted." Go figure.I really wanna move on with my life but I can't cus I'm here on my comfort zone avoiding what possibly could hurt me. When I'm up to date of your agenda and I know I'm not a part of it, how am I supposed to feel about that? Then again maybe that's just how it really is. Man, I gotta face my fears. Mainly the reason why I quit fcuking facebook. Lol, as funny as it sounds it's heartbreaking. My bff's for 6 fcuking years down the drain. It's crazy! I know that nothing lasts forever and that good things always come to an end but a friendship that used to be so genuine shouldn't be like this.

So how do I face my fears? I'm tired of being in my comfort zone and isolatingyself from the world because I don't wanna get hurt again. I didnt know that friendship can cause you the same pain as relationship break up. It feels like I broke up with someone who I've been with for 6 years, well.. that's basically it. Muuhhh..

Internet drama is well known, and I'm not trying to start anything.. I'm just expressing my feelings and if it's such a crime, you shouldnt even be pondering on my shit. Then again, I should just talk to someone about this and not put my life on public like this.

Fcuk it, this the last.

NOW WILL YOU LET ME STUDY??!?!?! My minds been pre-occupied.

Delighted.

I had a very delightful weekend. I picked up gaby at work around 5, got gas and we hit major traffic on the way to montclair, so we arrived a little before seven. Ate at Costco, "no one understands how much I love costco".. haha and the chicken nuggets on my purse. Went to Victoria's Gardens, ended up at Macy's and got ourselves long dresses for tatangs birthday. Bought Louisa's little cousins in&out, and her almost running over a worker. Back home to chillax and watched Baler, gossiped, vented.. you name it till 4 in the morning.

Woke up to Louisa's phone!! Bummed to El Pollo and Chinese place for food in our pjs, oh haay! Got ready, headed out around 2ish. Bank and Ross, cus I needed a new effing purse! Rowland heights for CUES STUDIOS, oh em gee.. HEAVEN! Haha, when we get our apartments were so getting a machine. Wasted $17 on it, got boba and headed to baldwin. This is where the fun starts. I swear I was following Louisa on the fwy when she called and told me I wasnt behind her, got in the wrong fwy! FML, arrived at Auntie Naida's around 5? Said hi to the family, yes I'm family! Haha, ended up wasting an hour to curl the little girl's hair. Adults pushed us to do a dance for tatang, and since it was luau event we did our hawaiian routine with the little girls. That was fun, it got really HET! We were nervous to do it infront of everyone, muuh! Pulled through, darryl arrived.. said HEY! Haham ignored him the whole time, then we were line dancing with the adults. Oh haaay! That was fun, and then blahblahblah, Auntie Naida offfered me Heineken but I insisted cuhs this bitch is driving and she's lightweight. She ended up giving me, louisa and gaby a bottle, neither of us finished it. Picture blahblahblah,& home. It was a lonely ride home cuhs everytime I come home from family parties I'm usually in the car with darryl, but it was a long ride home by myself. I miss my babe! Muuuh.

So on monday its my two and a half year with my lovahhboy. Mmm :).. I love him. That's all you really gotta know. Haha, &his family I mother efffing adore! Idk, what were doing, probably chill.. you know DAILY BASIS.

To Gaby&Louisa, I love you two! Thanks for the fun weekend and letting me forget about school and bio. :)

Long.

Hello lovelies, I am back home. I missed home, and there is nothing like home :)

I stayed at Charmi's house like I said I would, for the whole week. Darryl got back from vegas on sunday but I didn't get to see him till monday. I guess it all worked out cuhs my morning lab got cancelled so I decided to ditch stats since we were only doing minitab. I don't even remember the last time I missed Darryl. That was a good day, until I came back down to reality and realized my exam for bio. It's so lame I went to morning lecture and he gave back their test, look at this.. average is 55% low is 28 high is 79, and this idiot didn't grade on a curve. Hmm? This guy's a fcuking morroon. Wednesday, I didn't go to lab again.. instead I stayed at Charmi's did my term paper and watched movies. AND now am I glad to be home.

So I come home and my dog is growling at me like non freaking stop.. so as she was about to attack me, my little lovey tinker protects me and starts fighting with my little dog. Aw<3 Though that fatty gets on my last nerves, she loves me :)

My dad and brother got an iPhone! Whattt?!?!?! Jockfaces.. haha, I knew the minute I got one.. they were gonna get one. Muahaha, nothing like home<3

I'm so stressd out with Bio, you have no idea.. I dont think I'm surviving this one.

I can't wait till Mia and Matt comes home from the Philippines.

I am laptop-less and I can't wait till it gets fixed. Either that or I get a new laptop. It's almost going to be a week, its hard :(

So tomorrow, I am planning on finishing my term paper. EFF ME! Then Gaby and I are heading to Montclair to sleep over at Louisa's. Saturday we're just gonna go round Louisa's hood and roll madd deep Then tatangs birthday at night.. hmm I dont know if its at Baldwin or Granada.

Kay, I'm tired. Bye!

Life's not fair..

.. but then again, when is it ever?

Busy girl right here! It's about time I blog, I actually started a blog but I just never got around to finishing it. Then when I got back to wanting to finish it, I didn't like what I was writing anymore. Whatever!

I went to raging waters on friday with darryl, vanessa and his cousins. It was fun at some point, but darryl is not really into that theme park stuff anymore. Something happened last week, he went on a super simpy mode. Idk but I'm liking this :) I got mad at him after raging waters and we ended up fighting in the car, but we talked things out.. thats what I love about us, how we fight but we always end up making up. Muhhh, thats boy :)

Sadly, the whole simpy thing had to end because he was leaving for vegas. He left on tuesday morning, it's only been three days but it feels like its been a while. We've been spending so much time texting and talking on the phone and it seems that we don't really know how it feels to actually be away from each other for so long anymore. Haha, we practically see each other everyday! I'm mad at him right now, so he better send me a cute text or else! Haha, I'm psyched for him to get back, I miss him already.. but trust me he misses me more.

Well, I have been getting up at 6 for the past days because I've been going to morning sessions for bio. I hate night sessions now, so I'm gonna start coming to morning. I just hate waking up all early. Statistics is alright, I cant wait till it's over.. ugh! I dont know about Bio, I'm struggling like crazy.. but I finally understand Ch. 6,7 &8.

I'm over this, and I'm over you.

how did i get here?

I ask myself that almost everyday. I look back at my life last year and it seemed that right now I'm living in a fantasy world. It's true, it's hard for me to understand what it is as to why I'm where I am right now. I guess when I give other people advice regarding going through such rough road when it comes to relationship, I always have one answer, and my conclusion is always this feeling I feel. I tell people "If you feel as if, it's worth it.. then you're going to do everything and anything in your power to handle things." I mean of course there are obstacles you can't actually fix, and obviously it's all patience. I'm talking like it's easy, its not! But because its been a year, I have forgotten how it feels to be torn apart. It's hard to even imagine that last year, I was torn apart in so many different levels, you don't even understand.. no one will. I basically set aside everything because there was something I needed to fix in my life, and I needed to get that back in my life. To make the long damn story short, it took a lot for me to get where I am and finally feel this SURE ASSURANCE and finally say I am content and happy, I couldnt ask for more.

It's hard, but trust me.. if it really was for you.. those won't mean shit to you anymore. Sooner or later, you'll get what you deserve. :)

just wanted..

to do a special blog.

yesterday was kuya jesse's birthday! i went to kuya dino's house last night for the prayer/celebration. So, happy birthday kuya jesse!

On the way to school today, my ipod played "I'll be missing you" the one by p.diddy and faith evans, upon hearing it and really listening to it, it made me really sad. After that, "Life goes on" by tupac played, and I remember that one car ride when we left kuya dino's house and darryl emphasized on the lyrics of the song, it brought me to it and made me even more sad. To top it, the song "Now that you're gone" by smilez and southstar came after it. I was hearing all of these songs and I started to cry, I don't know why I feel this. Then I started to think how I'm so sad that I'm affected by this. I didn't have the time to actually get to know kuya jesse. He was just always there and he was someone I never really took the time to know, that makes me really sad.

Then I started to think when I was still 15, I would always say my greatest fear was to loose someone I love, but during that time I didn't really know what losing someone ACTUALLY feels. &now I do, but it's not like I developed some sort of relationship with kuya jesse to actually feel a love, but I dont know.. I might just.

But the strangest thing happened. The other week I dreamt of kuya jesse, I dreamt that he came back and we were all at kuya dino's house.. and everything was back to normal. I disregarded that dream though, up until darryl told me the dream he had friday night. It was the same damn dream that I had! I just listened to darryl and I felt something really weird and I started to get really freaking scared. After darryl and I hung up the phone, I cried like a freaking baby! It was so weird, I didn't even know why I was crying.

I started to think how do you think people who pass away communicate with you?

RIP JESSE MARTIN!

Weekend extravagant.

Hello readers, I had a wonderful weekend I'm bummed its over today. School is starting to bite my ass, hard core. I took my first exam for bio on thursday, holy crap my mind stumbled when I took it. Muuhh :(.. but after my class I craved in&out, so darryl and I met up to eat. Aw boo, he went to ditch his friends for me, cuhs he wanted in and out too! Haha, we just hung out till 12ish, cuhs I was getting so tired. The night ended with him fogging up my window and drawing a heart :).
Friday, I woke up with my momma giving me money. Took my brother to la for his appointment and we headed to burbank to see transformers 2! Bomb ass movie, megan fox is so hot! I met up with louisa and gaby after at mel's house and we just had a girls night! It was chill, but a lot of boy talks! Heh, ended the night with giving them the rest of my candies, catch my drift? ;)
Saturday, I woke up with Charmaine's funny ass text! Headed to SCV at tito melvin's hizzous! It was hella HOT, we stayed in the house and what not. I probably laughed like ten million times, it was hella ffunny! Everything was just funny, it was effing weird.. it was like I was high or something. Ended the night with my dad nagging. &today was supposively the highlight of the week, Church anniversary was fun. Darryl came, and it turned out one of the visitors were his friend from kennedy! Haha, baby was looking fly.. but he left pretty early cuhs he was heading to a debut. Lol, we had the best text message conversation. I love him :) I posted some vids up on youtube, so all you who loves/stalks me.. go see it.

Anyways, now I am home.. I did barely any homework, effing didn't do any school work this weekend. So I'm dreading tomorrow.. cuhs it's going to be really long! I can't wait till I get off school.

Heres a middle finger to all you haters..

hEHE.

Taking a break..

on life! Haha jks, I should though. I'm taking a break from stats homework, shit kills.

So ever since school started I've been anti social, and my only friends are my biology book and statistics book! I'm really lame, but I guess this is what happens when you're actually realizing your future is coming at you on a fast phase! FML. I haven't been fully anti social, I still socialize here and there but it's just the people that I actually wanna surround myself with (not to say that if I'm not hanging with you I don't wanna be).. it's just a matter of family and cousins! Plus darryl on the side, since this week started I haven't been hanging out with him as much as I want to. I've just been drilling myself with bio cus I need this.. wah! I really wanna see my skonkas so bad, but I guess we all have different agendas and plus my schedule never collides with them, I'm at Santa Clarita from 11 till 9. Haha!

The sleepover was really fun and it was a stress relieve for me. The weekend came and it was mostly my bio and stats plus family. We're preparing for the upcoming weekend which is this weekend and I'm excited for some reason. Lmao.

I ACE'd my first stats exam! I'm really happy but when I announced my good news to darryl the guy totally put me down, he said "don't be too happy.. i got an A on my first exam for calc.." BITCH! Haha, whatever! He's such a reality slap, its like lemme enjoy my achievement cuht I actually worked hard for it. Idiot!

Ugh, I gotta get back to homework now. Ciao.

I swear

i'm going to kill someone. Ugh, I'm so stressed out.. you have no idea!

I'm hella behind my biology class, its irritating me. I need to get my books asap and with my dad giving me all these troubles I can't seem to catch up. I tried going to the library to see if I could have the book for a while and read, but it turns out they don't have the right effing book. Top that, it said on my paper that class started on tuesday, but it turned out that it started on monday.. which i missed and also a quiz! -___- what the fcuk?! Ahhh. Then today, it was lab.. and I'm like kay I'm gonna stay focused &I grab my chair and all then this old muthafcuken lady taps me and says "i sit there" &im like "oh sorry".. but its like theres no damn seating chart you bitch. Since the class was hella fcuking full I sat way in the back and I didnt get to do the lab right. Oh and it turns out I still need that lab manual to do my lab work, and the bookstore are out of it. Kill me now! Oh my freaking god!

Statistics is going fine for me though, I understand it and all.. so I think I'll be fine. It just takes a while to do a problem but I'm caught up. So yeah, it annoys me how I have such a huge gap in between those two classes.. and oh my god dude, they're each 3 hr classes. Haha, seriously.

I can't wait till the weekend so I could catch up with bio.

So with the fighting with my dad brought me to tears, and I don't know why but I didn't cry as much, i wasn't like hysterical.. I was just crying. I woke up this morning and my eyes were hella swollen, I'm like what the heck? Not even eyeliner could make it go down, it was strange.. on top of that my eyes hurted like a bitch! But the thing that makes me feel better was the fact that when I hit up darryl cus I didn't know what to do, he was down right there for me. It was cute cus he was willing to do all these things and go out of his way to help me out, when he was telling me all the possibilities that he was thinking it brought me to even more tears.. it was tears of joy! I love him so much for that, i can always count on him when it comes to everything :). bestfriend fasho! I'm hella lucky.. I can't wait till I spend time with him. I'm going to give him the best...... kiss ;). Catch my drift? Heh.

I need to sleep now.

i love

my iphone :)..<3

I started school today. I was glad I got in my Statistics class, I was all scared I wasn't gonna get in because the class was hella full and there was a waitlist of 14 people, good thing people didn't show up and I was able to be added. I met a friend named Vanessa. I'm also glad my books came in today! Wahhh, that makes me very happy, although I know I have to copp a couple of books from the bookstore, but I don't know if I could buy it individualy, hm. Darryl came over today.. and I cooked for him. I swear he only comes over to eat, free effing loader :)! Haha, but yeah then he set the table and everything then he goes "let's pray," funny stuff. I ended up coming over cuhs my dad wanted me to pick up his car from the shop which was near darryl's house. So he drove me there and I hung out with him for a while, then drove back home. I finished my statistics homework, I also started a little bit of tomorrow's work but I got tired.. so bleh. Kay, whatevers things are going great right now.. I jst have to stay on track and worry about what's important. Fcuk everything else that doesn't matter.. middle finger to the fullest. I ain't gonna let anyone bring me down, and I'm jst going to concentrate on things/people that matter to me the most. I'm ready!

Weekend was whatevers, I didn't do much. Darryl got to party.. alot! By the way we're champs baby! Whoooo, lakers champions 09. I want to go to the parade on wednesday, but I have class. Wahhh :(

Church's anniversary is on the 28th, I'm excited :).. gonna see some familiar faces.

I got me a rapper :).. cuhs I cant stop listenin to his freestyle.

full entertainment.

Oh haaay! I'm again bloggin on my phone, stupid internet is acting up. Well, my "week long summer vacation" is going well. Although, I'm not doing much, its actually how I want things. I jst want to bum it and seriously not do anything. Its actually boring, I don't think I can do this for the rest of my life, so I don't know how people do it! Bum props! Anyways, if you keep up with my twitter updates, yknow wsp with me& if you don't then too bad!

On monday I came to see darryl. I actually thought we were jst going to stay indoors, hence I wore shorts and a sweater, come to find out we were heading to his cousins house! Gah, I wasn't properly attired! We prayed and stuff, I sat with Ej and Daniel cuhs darryl disappeared.. till it was time to eat, I went to get food by myself. Blah! After eating, everyone started to leave except the cousins. Darryl pulled me outside but I hesitated cuhs it was freezing, I stood/sat there. A lot happened within that 4 hours we were outside. The cousins started to do a toast for kuya jesse and kuya jeff kept offering me a shot of privilaged henessy. Lala, I was tempted but I kept saying I'm good cuhs I was darryl's DD, muthaa..curse that ish! Haha, but while they were doing that I was freezing my ass off in the corner. Darryl started freestylin, it was funny cuhs he was a bit buzzed already. That's what I kept hearing all night. Tonie asked us how long darryl and I have been together, and darryl was like "2 yrs" &she goes wow! Keep that up a lot of guys are not that committed now a days. Then, she told us how she's been with her now husband since they were 14, and they are now 28! Holy shit! And darryl goes "we've been together since we were 16".. Haha! That was funny, I didn't have to do all the talking. After a while I got so annoyed cuhs I wanted to go home, and darryl kept assuring if I was alright, I jst kept shrugging him off. Then I started to realize that he was getting too drunk cuhs he couldn't walk straight. I figured it was time to leave, so we left around 1ish. Of course darryl talks nonstop when he's drunk, and I jet ignore him. Haha, I went home and knocked out. The next day, I woke up to a "hey baby I love you" text around 10 and did some chores before I bizzounced the casa. I arrived at darryls around 12ish, we ate lunch while he was on the damn phone. Then we headed to pick up vanessa from school. Got back and jst spent time till I fell asleep for a good hour. Watched the lakers game while we ate dinner. Lakers lost, booo! I went home after that. So yes, that's my day, as far as today I bummed it and finally got around to doing my laundry. Oh gah, I start school on monday already! Well, I'm off to watching tv. Ciao!

Summertime

Oh haaaay! Blogging on my phone, so excuse my spelling typos. I originally planned to blog on my laptop but right when I was about to start, I wanted to sleep. But now I can't fall asleep, my damn sleeping habits have been disfunctional lately. Anyways, I'm off school as of today, I'm happy but not for too long. I start school on the 15th, yee yee..I'm looking forward to bio and stats actually, I'm motivated to finish shit. So far today was such a good day. Final was wow, I got it but some problems were just complicated that I blanked out and took forever to finish. After that I headed to valencia to do the buyback, I only returned my math 060 and 070 books and the solutions manual, cuhs according to the girl that was all they're taking. I bought my health psych book for 175 and its an old edition when the class was damn new? Pissed me off, rawr! I got 122 anyways, I headed to boo's house cuhs I haven't seen him all week. Finals week seperates darryl and I. I missed him terribly, but he acted like he missed me way more then I did ;). We talked and what not, at first he was pissing me off, him and his dumb ass remarks. He thinks it'll make me feel better but it doesn't babe! It was fun after he talked his nonsense, lol. I'm guessing we're taking another studio type picture. It was cute how I asked, it was for jokes but I kinna meant it and he jst said yeah and I kept asking cuhs I'm like really? &the jerkface answers "whatever makes you happy"..haha that made my day. But to top everything off, I checked my email once I got home. My teacher emailed me, and she told me I got an 88.4 in the class, but she's giving me the A. She knew I deserved it..cuhs I did :). Mhm, it feels good to do be rewarded in something you were weak in.

I'm actually looking forward to summer, my 3rd summer with darryl. We're going to the beach on monday..last time we talked. Lol, so I'm looking so damn forward to that. I get to have darryl for a good while, ALL ME!

Ugh, tomorrow is cleanning day for me. Blahblah, now that I have nothing to stress about I can fix a few things in my room. I've jst left things the way they are since I started stressing out with school, but I'm all cool now.

Kay, I think I'm actually getting sleepy now.

MAC collection haul

Yes, I'm finally hauling. So for the past couple of months, I have been addicted to MAC &it started with the video tutorials that I watch. So ergo, I decided I'm going to collect MAC from now on. &this is my updated collection. This is jst MAC, I have like others but I'll post that up next time. Enjoy :).

So eversince I found out that they're coming out with a new line called style warrior and the print and packaging was just absolutely adorable, I fell inlove. This is all I got from the Style warrior colletion, but I'll be grabbing some more.

Packaging, it's so pretty. I'm keeping the boxes, haha.

-The first one is the lustre drops. I haven't tried it cuhs I don't wear liquid foundation anymore, but I heard it was a really good bronzer& it's waterbased :).
-Then the next one is the bronzing powder in refined golden, i love the zebra prints on it but I think that it's too dark for my overall face, so I might return it for the lighter one. Haha.

Here's my favorite! The mineralize colletion, I have the blush in earth to earth, which is the best blush because it gives you that glitter shine, its freaking nice!
&I have the powder in medium to dark, it's a light make up that I use everyday :)


As for my lips, I have the tanarama and the gel. I use the gel on a daily basis, usually when I'm just wearing my nuetrals and just eyeliner. The tanarama, I barely bought it and I'm still trying to figure out how to get it to look like I want it to. Haha! My favorite lip tinted, this is like my daily lip moisturizer, its so good :). &finally, I have the lipglass in clear. I highly recommend this, cuhs it stays on for a good while. I remember I was eating a McCflurry, then it was still on after eating it. Haha..

This is all for now, I'm going to start taking pictures of my other NON-mac make ups. Till then, ciao!

numb.

there's a lot of things I could say to express that word, but some things are just left to be unsaid. it would be ideal for me to just blog about it right? but hey, it just shows.. it really shows. i am so so so done. here's a middle finger to your ass.

good day despite that, i went over to darryls. i saw mikah and janelle plus auntie naida, i swear.. shes probably the weirdest and most blunt auntie ever. i studied for a little bit while darryl finished his accounting homework, but then the funniest part happened. i was on my laptop and i thought darryl was reading his cinema book, when all of a sudden it just falls and he's just knocked the fcuk out! it was the funniest shit ever, oh em gee. i wanted to laugh so hard but i didnt wanna wake him up, we ended up falling asleep for an hour. i miss that boy already, ugh.. this will be a long week. i wont see him cuhs im going to be busy with finals and he is too.

oh well, im off to bed.

my conceitedness strikes back

I've been watching make-up tutorials online, after doing homeworks of course. I am telling you, youtube is such a helpful site. I learned a lot with that hour I laid down on my bed watching them. Mmm.

Today was a good day. I woke up, &I ate, I really attempted to do my homework right after eating, but I just laid down and watched tv. I ended up doing my homework after that and I finished! Yay mee! Now, all I have to do is study for monday's exam.. as well as the final on thursday and guess what? I'm off school! I'm so happy, but I'm very disappointed in myself, there isn't much that I accomplished this damn semester. I keep hearing that from darryl and it pisses me off, but it's true. So anyways, after homework I think my brother came home so I cooked lunch and watched more tv. Found out a very interesting information,then I watched my tutorials. I got an email from CS and they're having a friday sale, lol.. I was so close to spending my money but I didnt :). But, I'm dying to hit the mall to snatch the MAC warrior style collection, I think I know what I want.. but when you go to MAC, you always end up buying more than what you planned. After that, darryl IMed me and I got ready to go to his house to watch the lakers game. Which by the way was awesome.. 119-92 baby! We're in the damn finals. Whoo! I shared with darryl the information that I found out, and I guess the boyfriend will come fix it :) I ended up staying at darryl's till 12, cuhs I don't wanna go home. I hate my house, I seriously do! I jst laid down watching tv in his room while he did his homework. Carl's Jr. late night snackin with vanessa. Thanks baby!

&now I am home, jst re-did my myspace. Lol, I think my conceited side is coming out again. Oh em gee! Haha.

Oh&my baby jst received a scholarship from LAMC, oh haaay ;)

♥

I'm so bluhbluhbluh, its been 3 weeks.. and I can't believe this silence is still going on. It's ridiculous! I don't freaking know how to end it, and I don't think she really wants it to be over. She's jst going about her life like nothing really happened. How can you live in the same roof with someone you don't communicate with? I'm so mad at her that I don't even have the energy to keep up with whatever she's trying to prove to me. Whatever, I messed up.. I did what I did, but cmon seriously, be the person you are and jst ugh! I've been walking around like this doesn't mean anything to me, when my conscience keeps nudging me about it.. I keep dreaming that things are back to normal, jst to wake up knowing it was all a dream. Ugh, and someone isn't really trying to do anything about it.. I guess he's fine with it too. This is why I don't wanna be where I'm at, cuhs my house does not feel like a home anymore. I come home, and I don't even want to be home, cuhs I want to avoid her so much. I'm so freaking mad at her its not even funny. My family is broken, and it's slowly eating me alive. Wow, mutha....WOW.

Life's a trip.

Jst thought I'd blog.. on the way to Josh's house, Louisa and I got into some deep conversations. Its like those conversations only faded people have, its as if we were high on drugs or something. Anyways, the subject came up cuhs we were talking about some personal stuff, and I jst started saying "damn skonks, isn't it crazy how darryl and i are together?"..and all these questions jst started pouring out on us. All the way we were like, "and this happenin and this moment, who woulda thought?"

..whatever, ya'll won't get it. It'll make more sense if you actually knew what we were thinking about. Jst think of it this way, look around you and think about the people who are together, then ask yourself..did you see that coming? It's like, life always comes at you with surprises.. its a trip.

Lakers?!

I jst got home right now from Darryls house. I watched the lakers game over there, uhh.. no comment. :(

Class felt really long today, took a quiz..I did alright. Got my test back, haha i did worse that I thought, but it was okay..still passing. I got an 82%, those applications bit me hard and little little mistakes that I swear I coulda seen. Ugh! After that, it felt like class was so long, I couldnt wait to get out. On my way home I called darryl, but he didnt pick up..so I jst decided to go home. Then I'm like two exits away from my house and he calls me -___-.. idiot move babe! It was fun though, we ate and after that we walked buster around the block. Notice I said "walk" but really those two ran and I was left walking. We hung out for a little bit and went off to pick up baning, stopped by mcdonalds cuhs I craved some McFlurry's :). Darryl started doing his paper while I was chilling on the computer, then I decided to fall asleep..SWEET! Woke up to Louisa's call..catched up a little. Vanessa and I watched Matilda and waited for the Lakers game, then we ate dinner.

Bluhbluhbluh, lakers game.. it was getting really good, then they jst had to loose huh? Blehh. Went hom after that and here I am. I should really head to bed now since I have to wake up tomorrow for that test im taking, dreading to wake up early. Bleh!

So mm, tomorrow after that test I think I'm going to hang out with danny, gaby and karissa..then louisa will come later that day. Excited to see them :), then on saturday it's ryans birthday thing, excited for that too. &sunday going to the other church's anniversary, not so excited..whatevers! Monday, beachh? In between of those, I gotta squeeze in study..cuhs I got a test to do on tuesday. Oh haaaay.

2yrs&4months.

Two years and four months today, heh.

I've been really lazy, either that or I've been busy. I was so eager to go to school today cuhs I wanted to see my exam scores, but dang itt.. it wasn't done being graded. Haha, tomorrow.. fasho.

I jst wanted to blog cuhs I have something to talk about, SCHOOL :). Haha, so on friday.. I'm going to Marian College, I'm gonna take the exam to get in, and if I'm in.. I'll do the interview. Haha, we'll see how that goes, I dont even know what I want to do. So anyways, I kind of revised my educational plan again -__-.. haha I registered for bio, phils, and nutrition. But then I'm thinkin of jst taking bio, and stats. Wanna know why? Cuhs I want to finish all of my requirements for MSMC, by Spring 2010, I don't wanna take summer classes cuhs supposively, we're going home to the Phils for summer. Idk, we'll see.. but yeah.. so if I do that, then I will be freaking dead by the end of spring, cuhs I'm taking so much intense classes. BLUHBLUHBLUH.. whatever.

Ugh, I'm tired. I dont even know why I'm blogging.

KthanksBYE.

DMP :)

Im going to be reminiscing right now, so if you're not really interested about my feelings towards darryl, I suggest you stop right here.

-Weirdest phone call :).. on the phone for an hour or so, when I had a boyfriend.
-Sneaked in your hizzous, hiding from vanessa and your mom.
"I rather get if off your lips"
-First family party, "she's pretty ha darryl"
-When I'd cheese when you tell people "im chillin with my girl"
-I lost my $20 bet, cuhs you DID have me on your myspace.
-SLEEEEP... :)
-Morning kisses, no toothbrush. LOL
-That one HARD bumpy road we had-HC, we spent 2 hrs looking for eachother
-You told me you NEVER dropped the L bomb on anyone, and I'm not an exception.
-You told me you love me!
-Always breaking up and making up.
-JUNIOR YEAR, babe.
-SUMMMER; we spent with pj and bea, everyday with yyou!
-JJ's garage.
-07 spring break.. NYC trip, bea's bestfriend!!!
-family partiesss.
-Auntie Gretchen's house.
-December convo we had.
-Biggest/longest break up.. still we were on it..kryptonite.
-Cuhs' my friends HATED you.
-The hardest end of my senior year.
-being your DD.
-Got mad at me cuhs I called you the B word.
-When I knew where your phone was, but still got you trippin on it, you found out and got pissed at me.
-That one fight we had cuhs of pj and janice.
-How can I forget, the times I would sit in the park of boredom and watch you play ball.
-Your basketball and volleyball games.
-SKANKS! K.
-Arianna phone callll!!!!!!! hahahahaahahahahhahahaha. GG
-Giselle's B&W party.
-Your mom getting mad.
-The suckiest prom anyone could ever ask for, cuhs you were injured.<3
-MY DEBUT!!!!.. surgery babe.
-I wanted to hate you so bad.
-The hardest phase you ever made me go through.
-Gaby's debut practices.. vanessa: why is my brother with betty. I hated you that night.
-Our AIM convos :)
-PICTURES.
-My "breaking out" phase, yet you were still in<3
-The beach with your family.
-Ditched work for a movie date.
-Matter of fact, ditched a lot of things for you.
-What a freaking girlfriend.
-The way you flow.
-Oh, and how you sang on bended knees on magic mic for me, then it became my last rose song.
-Bittersweet - Kanye.
-I fall asleep in your room, and you play on the comp. or do hw.
-You cooked me lunch.
-Wifey and hubby status---phase.
-When I "ran away," you never really stayed mad, cuhs you cared.
-Important family ocassions, I was around.
-Your family<3 except your "boys" im not as close to them.
-Property of DP, Property of SM; how I wish that was permanent.
-How we NEVER finish a movie.
-Me and your dad never speak to each other. Lol, cuhs im scared of him.
-Re arranging your room.
-Shhhhhh....wer.
-RICE NECKLACE, but I broke it.. and it cursed our relationship.
-Your drunk self<3333
-Graduation and Gradnite.
-Your feet, haha.
-You lie to me so you don't hurt me.
-So proud of your accomplishments.
-Your gay phone.
-First studio picture.
-You always inspire me, and you amaze me.
-Your cheesy compliments on the most random times.
-How you hated PDA.
-You hate my green and yellow von dutch shoes.
-Your faded jeans I hate!!!!
-Our dates. Haha
-You singing to me.

But of course, how after 2 years and 4 months, we're still together. I love you babe, and I wouldn't trade those two years with anyone else.

I could seriously go on and on, but I'm tired of thinking, and this makes me miss darryl.

Confusion.

I'm about to do my homework and study Ch. 9, grr.. it's so frustrating, I don't get it. So before I get all pissed off, I need to release my stress and anger.

I talked to my dad on weds. afternoon, talked about my educational goals and what not. After I talked to Rusel, it got me thinking about all of the things that has been running through my mind. Maybe I should just go ahead with the nursing school, and leave behind this plan of wanting to transfer to mount saint mary's, after all.. it's the same thing, it's just the nursing school will be done a lot faster than I anticipated. But I dont know why I'm rushing so much to get my carreer started. I really think it has a lot to do with being so tired of doing all of these pre-requisite classes, I just really wanna get started with learning about how to be a nurse, etc. I look at these people and it's like I want to be at that level, I want to wear scrubs :(. So anyways, I've been thinking a lot and I really don't know what I'm going to do and where I want to be at. Hm, I was thinking that I should just stick through this year again, and go as I planned.. and just apply at mount saint mary's. It's making me feel so stressed though because my dad is worrying about the money, when it's like.. dude. I want to challenge myself and see if I could really achieve this. I was reading about motivation earlier, and it made me realize that I have to set a goal to be able to be motivated. As of now, this is my goal.. to follow my educational goal and just continue with my plans. It's kind of funny, because I look at all these classes I have to take, and I've been talking to these people in my math class, who is in the same situation as I am, they're trying to get in the nursing program at COC, and they tell me that I'm crazy and I should just not transfer. Hm, but I don't want to give myself that "free pass" and take the easy way out on things. I really want to work hard on something that I really want. But we'll see, where THIS will take me, I could just be saying this, a lot can change. Kind of like my plans over the summer, that changed.. I had a different route and approach on things, but that didn't pull through and look where I am.

I was feeling really discouraged and confused last night, I dont even know what to do with my life. Everytime my dad talks to me about these stuff, it's as if hes discouraging me with my plans. Though, I know he's just trying to make sure this is what I really want to do, and this is what I really wanna do..trust.

I'm so lost, I don't wanna be where I am at right now. Blehh..

Good girl status.

I'm going to make a deal with myself, I'm going to try not to cuss for a month, think I can do it?

I was just looking at pictures, cuhs I'm trying to put all the pictures of Darryl and I, in the right folder.. and I am so bummed, cuhs I miss my long hair so much! I can't wait till my hair grows back again, rawrrr!

Blahblahblah, so I talked to my counselor today, since I told him that I changed my educational goals, and he helped me fixed my schedule, and let me tell you it's going to be so hard to be able to cope with my upcoming schedules, blehh! It's okay though, this is what I want, I don't want to be a little wuss and take lame classes, time to move on to bigger classes, you know? :) I'm really excited to see what's up ahead of me.

If I still cussed, I prolly would have about 6 in that paragraph alone.

I deactivated my facebook, and I gave my pw on myspace to louisa, I told her I didn't want it anymore. So none of that for a while, I jst want to chill off with the internet stuff.. I get too caught up.

Oh and I got a surprise visit from Darryl today. Oh haaaaay! I was about to eat, then someone was at the door, and I go answer it.. its my baby! Got me all cheereddd up, it's a good way to take a break from homework and back at it again when he left. Aw, that boy puts the cheese to my wizz ;)

OHHH OHH! I A'ced my recent math test, 96% baby. I got 5 wrongs, and lemme tell you it's probably the dumbest little mistakes that got me. Haha, but blehh.. I'm 2% away from an overall A in the class. I'm so proud of myself :), mmmm!

I'm watching the lakers game right now. Yay! :)

Back to my headline, I'm going to try to be a good girl.. I have a couple of lists I want to follow, but i'll keep that to myself, cuhs it's personal, you know.

Blahblahblah

It has been a really long and hard weekend, not only for me.. but especially for the martin family. It's hard to loose someone you love, and as I sat there listening to people talk about Kuya Jesse, there was only one moment that kept replaying in my mind. It was that one time that darryl told me to come with him to play basketball, and the moment that kuya jesse saw me, he said hi to me. &also, that one day at Auntie Gretchen, when he said he didn't like filipino girls cuhs they were drama. Lol, ohh<3. style="font-style: italic;">I wish things could get back to its normal phase..

On top of this emotional surrounding that I've been on, it doesnt really help when I'm fighting with my mom the day of mother's day! Of all days for us to be "fighting", it had to be this day huh? Bleh, I wish I coulda told her happy mother's day and that I love her with all my heart, cuhs she's truly my hero. But, my emotions took over me, and I was just REALLY mad, of all people.. I really thought she would understand my place.

With all of this, I had a lot of time with myself.. cuhs I've been away from darryl, since I know right now he needs to be with his family. I had time to actually study, and oh my gosh, I got a 96% on my recent math exam, so my class percentage is 88%.. I'm almost to an A, so hopefully I don't fall back from here on. I feel very happy and accomplished though my emotions jst keeps pouring through.

I probably will have so much free time now a days, since someone will be busy running his own life, there's nothing I could really do about it.. but cheer him on and be happy for him. Sooner or later, we have to depart anyways.. cuhs we have to focus on OUR life as an individual. I have been listening to a lot of these type of songs to prepare me for that day. I really don't know what's going to happen from then on with my life.

Update.

I finally finished my homework. I started looking over my homework, I think I get it. I'm not going to overstudy and rely on what I really know. I'm so tired of school, I can't wait till I actually get a break. Ugh!

When I got out of the shower today I got a text from my mom (making it seem like we don't live together) it was a forwarded text from Tita Madelynn. She told my mom about this RN program the Western Governors University is having at the hospital she's working at --Cedars Sinai. Yes, it's a hospital in LA and I believe it's within beverly hills. Tita Madelynn is one of the head nurses over there. So, I checked the information online, but it seemed that I ened to get my AAD and take the classes, like bio, etc. Right on that moment, I couldn't stop thinking about working in the hospital and wearing my scrubs! Rawrrrr.

The viewing and funeral for Kuya Jesse is this weekend. It starts tomorrow, friday and saturday. The atmosphere will be different there, I have never ever been to a viewing or a funeral.. and if I have it's probably when I was young and I didn't really look at life the way I do now.

Ugh, but don't you have feeling so damn neglected? I'm being real selfish and its one of the traits I can't seem to shake. Whatever, it'll pass.

Cartilage piercing.

I love how people actually read my blogs. Lol..

Well today was quite an exciting day. I got ready to go to burbank with my brother and dad. I went to micheals cuhs I've been wanting to get this thing for my brush sets, I finally did and I'm so happy :). After that we went to the mall, I went to mac to buy the brush cleaner.. cuhs that's a must not that I have TONS of brushes, yet I'm still waiting for the 32 pcs. set I ordered from MAC. Gahh! I went to victoria's secret and got me the shorts I've been eye-ing.. but they never have my size, so I jst settled for a 2. And since I love their tank, I got em cuhs they were on sale. I went to ICINGS and for some reason I jst wanted to get my cartilage pierced, effing weird. It's whatevers.. I told you I was itching for a piercing. BLehh, IM BROKE! Got home, ate for a bit and picked up ceejay and rick. We went to gaby's and we didn't know what to do, so we jst ended malling it and taking CUES. I told myself I gotta stop, but I finally bought vanessa's gift and I bought myself a pair of sunglasses. To make it even worse, I bought another long sleeve and flipflops. BLEHH.. I'm going to kill myself. Too much spending this whole spring break. Ugh! So after that we jst ate at burger king and headed home. Interesting freaking ride home, haha sickkkkk!

Darryl's at the bar right now, clubbing and for some reason I'm whateverrrrs. I mean I kinna reacted and got mad when he told me, but oh well. I went clubbing a week ago, and plus I trust him, though I wished I was there. This is lame, thats the only reason why I'm so bummed cuhs damnit! I was supposed to be there. Whatttevssss. I jst want him home. :(

MmmUuuah

I jst hung up on the phone with dbaby. Aw, I miss my babyko :).. can't wait till he gets back home, and be next to him.

Today was a good day, maybe its cuhs I didn't touch my health psych book. I emailed my teacher and gave her a BS excuse, cuhs I need to drop the class and I missed the deadline. Bleh, I don't care, its better than getting a C or lower. Ill jst take it again, I feel more relieved though. My math professor finally got the syllabus done for math 070, so I need to look over section 1.4 and 1.5 for mondays lecture and I'm good to go. Haha I am more motivated in math than I am with that health psych shit. Stupid teacher! Rawrr..

I finally saw "you changed my life," my moms been on my aunts nuts eversince the trailer for it, and now my momma got it. We saw it today, its a damn good movie. Cheesy I'd say, but what filipino movie isn't? Hehe, its cuute.. they're ringtone for eachother is "baby ko..baby ko.." Its cute, but it can get pretty annoying. My dad started teasing me about me and darryl doing that. Ah hell no, we passed that level. Haha, jst kidding. But yeah, if you're filipino and wanna see a good movie.. you should see this one.

I got my CS 88 eyeshadow palette, and I am one happy bitch. They're so beautiful, mmm<3. Fuck, I swear to god.. I can never stop shopping online. Yesterday, I bought the 120 palette on ebay.. and its shipping all the way from hongkong. Then today I ordered the 32pcs. Mac brushes. Lala, I was drooling on the price, but daaamn.. I got it good. I was so close to not buying it, but I couldn't stop thinking about those brushes everytime I got off the computer. . Blehh, then to top it all, elf was going on sale for their mineral products 50%.. so I ordered that, another flat brush, tweezer, and eyelash curler..pretty good deal. I am freaking brokee! Ugh, but I can't wait to get my hands on the CS blush palette. I should jst gotten that one.. bleh! I need to go to micheals and get some stuff for my brushes. Booo..moneyy!

I'm itching for another tattoo or piercing.. ahhh shoot me. Gay!

He finally said my name with his lastname, what a dingdong. :)

Ahhh

I'm bloggng through my phone once again. It is not one in the morning and I found mysely laying in bed, my mind wonders. All of these things jst keeps running through my head and it sure is stressing me out. So I thought I'd let it out of my system.

I am addicted to the show "the game," forreal I can't stop watching it. I can relate I can say, and for the most part it somehow resembles something to me. Darryl likes the show, since we watched it a couple of times together. Psh, all he screams about is how hot those females are. What a guy! Anyways, I found this site where they stock up on the seasons and episodes, so I've been on that since 5. It sure kills time, and while I'm killing time with that, I'm wasting study time. Blehh, I hate health psych. I mean its alright but I chose the wrong teacher. She bugs me, she's so unorganized, and everythiing about her and her class jst isn't working out for me. I got a damn test on monday, and I haven't even done shit. I want to drop the class but I found out the deadline was on friday. Basically I am fcuked! What kills me is we only have 4 tests. Supposively we have homework but up to now, she hasn't assigned anything. She doesn't post the articles on blackboard, like she said she would. I'm not getting anywhere since my first test was such a disaster, and right now.. I'm not feeling this damn test. Ugh! Or maybe I'm jst being a baby. Damn dude, my life is flashing before my eyes. This is what I was scared of, this isn't what I wanted. I didn't wanna fail, and right now I feel like I'm on the verge of failing. :(

Spring break sucks ass! I miss darryl already and it hasn't even been a day. Ew, I'm so lame.. makes me sick.

Anyways, I've been thinking. Darryl put this image in my head "5 years from now, I can see it.. You'd be all pierced up". Lol, I'm like fcuk you! He told me to get my lips pierced. Bleh, highly doubt that. Its not something I can easily hide, but it got me thinking anyways. Also, charmaine added this in my mind, a damn eyebrow piercing. -_-.. shoot me! Haha, but I was looking at rings, and I honestly don't want those big fat ones, I jst want a small tiny stud, possibly. If I could find that, then I got the greenlight. Haha! I jst recalled darryls statement about me getting more piercings. But, I really wanna get my cartilahe pierced. I want those long ones :).. then on my right possibly a small cartilage one. Ugh, my parentals are gonna kill me. Piercings are fun though :)

Okay, I'm going to try to sleep now. I bet you, somehow my dream will be somewhat kinna like the game. I shall blog tomorrow or something. Nighty!

ImissyouD<3

Boo wednesday

The day that I've been dreading is finally here. Everyone thinks I'm overreacting, I have never been away from darryl for this long, its insane. I can't remember the last time I dreaded something to come as much as I did with this one. He'll be back, that I'm sure of, its jst the thought that I'm going to be here, and he's all the way in vegas makes me mad. Lol, whatever. I gotta suck it up and handle :)

It was a fun day to spend, knowing we won't get a feel of eachother. Lol, seriously. I love random moments that makes me aw and cheese, I had it a million times today. The best part was, Carl's Jr. I wouldn't trade that hour with anyone else for anything. Who knew that something so simple and little as that can mean so much.

Right now, I can't stop staring at the Cue we took. That boy sure knows how to keep me grounded cuhs he left me something to satisfy myself. I love it, and I love how he can jst adapt to anything and everything he knows will make me happy. I sat across from him today and we talked about our relationship and I asked him "well, don't you think you spoil me?".. And he said "nah, I could do more. " Personally, I think he's done a whole lot for me than I could even ask for, and the funny thing about that is I don't. I guess that's what I've learned through out. I never asked for anything in return, I jst kept giving it my all.. because I knew in the end .. everything I gave will be all worth it. &it is.. now look at me. I probably have the most magical relationship anyone could ever envy. And who knew it was going to be darryl. Knowing a bitchass like him, you'd be surprised on how far he's come along. I'm happy.

You know how you always want something you don't have? So you tell yourself that you will be content as long as you get that. Then you work a whole lot of time trying to get whatever that is, jst to find yourself wanting more? Lol, well I'm on that feel. Just the thing is, as of right now I'm content. I have everything I could possibly want and need. I found my mojo back, and once again I'm motivated. Ill start fresh tomorrow, watch out :)

Sighh

Ugh! This is so depressing. I'm really dreading for this day. I can't wait till spring break is over. :(

Annoyance

I am so fcuken annoyed right now. I wanna cry, this shit is so frustrating! I freaking hate you in all sorts of ways its not even funny. You have these characteristics that shows up sometimes, and I honestly can't fcuken stand it. So I start to ask myself, ugh why?!

Don't freaking tell me one thing and not do it, cuhs that shit gets on my last nerves. I freaking sit here and look forward to allah these ear candies yo ass is telling me, then nothing. Two straight fcuking days, d. You're muthafcuken jokes to me right now. All of these stress and sadness that I feel is jst ending up being anger cuhs of your actions. Its a complete fcuking annoynce. I'm through..

muthafcuken peace.

Spring break!

I am officially on spring break as of today! Oh haaaay!

I'm supaa sick right now, I think I got the fever :(. I dont know how it started, but I've been feeling like this since that one night I went to sleep all hungry. I was jst tired, and I kept pushing myself because I knew I had to be at school. It's weird, cuhs honestly.. I haven't done shit to feel all tired and restless. My body jst feels extremely burnt out and weak. I also think a big part of this is school, I've been hella stressed out lately. I learned in health psych that stress can cause sickness and all sorts of things. Booo, so say hello to my spring break. Ew, it's not like I'm doing anything special for spring break anyways.. I was supposed to, but allah my plans went down the drain. I'm jst dreading for when darryl leaves for vegas for five effing days. What the eff?! :(

A part of me feels really good and that's my heart (my emotions), darryl told me the cutest thing today. He's like "yknow after we fought, i felt like i love you even more.. and like sometimes our relationship seems dull but then we fight and its like i want to be with you even more.."

.. breathless :)

Errr, I better head to bed now. I want Darryl next to me :(.. if it wasnt for his effing midterm tomorrow, he'd be here guaranteed!

The best and the worst.

I'm freaking starving, last time I ate was effing one.

Anyways, today was an exhausting day, so many little things that came up.. I'm jst mentally drained. I think I needed to cry and let it all out, thank God I did. I feel better now, though my eyes hurt like a bitch. And since I'm starving.. my headache's gonna kick in.. right about now. I'm poppin pills.. wahhhh?!

I'm pretty bummed right now, all my spring break plans jst went down the drain. Seriously, like FML! :(

Darryl did the cutest thing today! So I was sleeping next to him, cuhs for some reason I was tired. I was facing him, cuhs he likes holding me and seeing my face when I sleep. Lol, so blahblahblah.. i'm sleeping then all of a sudden I feel something on my lips. Then I realized he jst kissed me, so I opened my eyes.. like half open, he was looking at me smiling. CUTENESS :)

Though, we have our cute moments, nothing's perfect.. so we have our miscommunication and misunderstanding. I think it was a very interesting fight to be watched. Haha! Goodshit, but I needed that and I'm sure he did too. Whatever it was a healthy thing for us. Also, it ended with a very simpy/intimate conversation. I diggggg.

&the boy jst called me saying "I think that jst made our relationship stronger," isn't he a cutie?

Well, this bitch is off to bed, my head is fcuking killing me. Nighttttttttt<3

Oh.. final on thursday. Wahhhh :(

Wonderful.

I have been one busy cat. After talking to Darryl, I realized why I'm so stressed out. Lol, stupid me.. I needed the lovah to make me realize things, gosh i'm so independent. Haha.. NOT! Anyways, as I handle my school shit, I've been trying to get off myspace and facebook, surprising as it sounds.. I found that I have more time in my hands. I was thinking that I'd give it a break and blog since I needed an update. Darryl was like "whoever has time to blog?"..

So the weekend was wonderful. I saw Darryl on thursday after class. We went to sleep till 3, so we can go pick up Vanessa. When we got back, he decided to play ball, so I ended up staying at his house doing homework till he got back. Me and Vanessa took some pictures before I went to his room and did homework. His mom came upstairs and asked me if I wanted to eat, but I said I'd wait for him :). I got all happy when he got home, I was like.. Ohhh baby's home! We ate.. and I was on my way home. Friday was our 26months, I ended up staying home to do some homework. That didn't really help, me and my dad busted a mission.. since he got my brother a car. Omfg, spoiled biatch! Haha.. he got an SUV, he doesnt even have a freaking permit or a license. Whatever, my cars still better. Haha. As I was cleaning my car my dads like "your friends here," and I'm like "who?".. ha then I saw darryl parking, so my shock I jst said "wtf are you doing heree?" Haha.. way to great my boyfriend on our anniversary huh? I drove to his house around 6, but since he was gonna have family over, we went to go run some errands. Got back, ate, then spent some time till 1 in the morning. Love love love that boy<3. On saturday, I was home.. handling my shit, after realizing I'm behind and that I'm causing myself the stress. Haha, so around night time we headed to SCV for a bible study. Came home to find out Darryl went to Ate Portia's going away party, ugh.. JEALOUS MUCH! Sunday was fun, church was whatevahh, me and the rest of the church people went to the mall. I needed to get something from clinique, and I ended up freaking going to MAC and spending $115, oh fcuk me! Haha, its cool needed it :)

So today I took my math test, and I don't know how I did.. I'm looking between an A and B, but hopefully an A, there was acouple of problems I wasn't so sure about, but it felt like that was the right thing. Oh well.. I'll see. I saw my Darryl afterclass.. he's like "you look rather lovely today,".. haha! It's kinna funny, cuhs me and darryl havent fought in so long, and I guess he jst got pissed off when I ran my mouth, when I didn't even mean to. We ended up fighting, but not our usual fights, cuhs after I got hella ticked off he was like "Can we make up now?" It was the cutest thing in the world, and he jst hugged and kissed me. I was still like mad, cuhs I got all heated for nothing. But I couldn't stay mad at him. We picked up Vanessa, and we jst took her out to Mcdeez. Came back hom and fell asleep<3.. lovely! Woke up with him, and headed home.

Tomorrow, I have an interview for an internship. Mmm, I don't really know what to think, cuhs once I get that.. I think my time is going to be a little crowded. We'll see how heavy my duties are though, it shouldn't be that bad. Haha, so I should head to reading now, freaking shit!

Peace out lovely's

Mmm.

I A'ced my math test! Woohoo.. :). That's not the end, I need to Ace the next two test, and get an A for the final. &I'm good to go. I'm really happy, I think I deserved that A, but I coulda done so much better if I put in the time, yknow? That's one off my chest. Serious, like yesterday.. I was all up on the net.. refreshing the page nonstop to see if she posted the grades yet. Haha..

I jst found out that my health psych test is the day before my final! Oh fcuk.. great, the week before spring break, Imma be hustlinn like mad. Ugh! I didn't feel like going to class today after math, cuhs for some reason I felt sick.. but I ended up going anyways. Jst to find out my class was canceled. Great! On top of that it was muthafcuken hot. Wow.. so I think I felt even worse. I ended up going to Valencia mall. My intention was to get Vanessa a present, but I knew what she wanted wasn't going to be there.. so I ended up shopping for myself. Haha..

Louisa, jst cracked me up right now. SAMP, good shit! Thats why she's my skonka. Haha.. I told her my next tattoo is going to be my initial, which I was thinking simple SM, and oh man! LMAO. That'll be later though. I came so close to getting my 2nd ear piercing today, but I'm like.. nah. I think I've been going crazy with these things, in a matter of two weeks I've been in pain, with the tattoo and piercing healing. Whatever.

I gotta get back to homework. Peace out..

Stressed out!

I seriously shouldn't even have time to be blogging! Stupid math! My bed is jst full of papers and books, ugh! I'm like seriously studying my ass off for this test, I need to get an A from now on, or my gpa is fcuked! Ugh! I'm so stressed out, so to be on top of my game I decided to make myself a deal.

I have money, so that isn't an issue, and I've been wanting to get UGG BOOTS since my birthday, but I was broke at that time, so whatever. I don't know why I put my tattoo and tongue piercing on top of those boots. Haha, that coulda been one ugg boots. But anyways, I made a deal with myself that the only way I'm going to get that boots is if I get an A on this test. My fcuking life is resting on this math test! FCUKFCUKFCUK! I dont know why I didn'thave the urge to get the boots once I got the money. Idiot..

So when 12 hits tomorrow, I think I'm going to kill myself. Haha I should be out of class already! Whew, I need some stress relievers, and I got the best onE ;).. I can't wait. CRAZYYY! I'm going to see Vanessa tomorrow, since she needed to interview me. I think its real cute how she asked me, she said something like "I need to interview a girl in my family that means a lot to me, and that helped me accomplished something" .. ;), who wouldnt cheese to that? That's my boyfriend's sister! :) Makes me supppa happy.

I was seriously plannin on going home straight after my class, that was the reason why I didn't go to my second class, I jst wanted to be with math. But someoen had to make me feel bad, and remind me about my responsibilities as a girlfriend, and be there when the boyfriend needs me. Ugh! I seriously wanted to cry, and I know whoever's reading this might think "priorities first".. haha thats true, but man! I felt guilty. Whatever, I'm handlin bussiness anyways. I think its jst funny how darryl was driving me insane today! It turned out a great day though, I missed that boy over the weekend.

I'm on that stage now, wherein my tattoo is irritating me like mad. I want to freaking scratch it so bad! What the fcuk?! Lol, but im controlling myself.

I wanna do a photoshoot, I'm so depressed! Haha, maybe taking pictures will make me feel better. Ah speaking, I have like a freeaking pimple on my right cheeek. It aint big or nothing, I jst hate that shit. Theres ONE and it stands out like mad. Ugh..

I love complaining, it makes me feel so much better. I'm so stressed out, I dont think I could say it enough. I'm serious, if I get a freaking C on this math shit, Im going to take it again during summer, and I D GA F.

I'm out.

Darryl

.. is extra hotter when he freestyles. Its like I'm falling in love all over again. Babe, you're so fcuken fly when you flow.. I jst wanna bone you! Ugh, what a perfect way to end the night.

So much fun, and so tipsy. :)

I'm outtie. Oh darryl, I mufcken love your sexy ass! <3

:))))) perfect, couldn't ask for more. I have the best damn boyfriend alive. Fcuk all you muthafcuken haters.

Fcuk! I'm blabbbinn.. Blame it on the a a a a a alcohol!

Pieces of information

Waddup! I'm blogging thru my phonizzle again, like a cool bitch that I am. I'm heading to a party tonight, jst waiting for darryl to come pick me up. There's a funny story behind this, haha. But anyways yea, I'm guessing its mostly family with lots of drinking, so I have a feeling I'm gonna be pressured to drink.. somehow. Oh well, I need this anyways. Been stuck home the whole day doing math hw. Whew, I'm drained.. I can't do continuous math stuff, its jst overwhelming.. so I either take long ass breaks or lagg it. Good shit.
I'm loving my tattoo to the max. Its so legit, with the placing and how it looks.. mm! Now all I need to do is work on this stomach. Haha freaking shit, I haven't worked out in so long! Ugh, not good! Whatever, I should start soon.

I'm kinna tired, I don't even know why I'm going out. Whatevvahhh! I'll end here, I have nothing else to say.

Peace out!

Okay, so I'm trying this new thing. Haha.. I'm blogging thru my phone! This is so convenient, I don't have to type on my laptop, mmm! So anyways, today was such an adventurous :). As planned, I got my first tattoo and I'm loving it! Haha, I'm not gonna lie, it hurts.. but it was worth the pain. Whew! I promise this will be the last for a while.. I jst wanted to experience it.

Today is vanessa's birthday. Ohwhee, she's 12 now. I didn't get to see her today though, its okay ill see her tomorrow. Fcuk, I still need to get her present. Anyone wanna drive me to glendale? ;).. Haha! Jst wanted to put that out there, cuhs I love that little girl<3

I'm so glad its thursday, I have some catching up to do, such a freaking weird week! I hate when I'm behind, I barely got the first section done a couple of days ago. Whatevers, I jst think is so much work to do. But fcuk this, I'm getting mad so I'm gonna rub it on people's faces that its over.. cuhs imma kill this math shit! I need to start Ch.5 for health psych. Ugh, I need to be on top of my game again. I hate when I fcuken slack off!

There's this thing Gaby wanted me to join, its called twitter. I should be updating that through my phone on a daily basis, so if you wanna be a stalker and know what I'm up to, catch me there. The link is on my side bar.

My thumb bails are annoying me, they're kinna long and its hard to text fast on my phone! Lol.

Ugh, okay.. I'm gonna start some math homework now. Peace :)

Legit Status

I had the best fcuken weekend, social wise! I studied on friday, but since I had money, I had the urge to spend. Ugh! Darryl& I went to burbank, so I can finally get him his present. I'm like 2 weeks late and shit. Haha, I got him jeans from Old Navy, I also got some stuff for Rusel's baby shower. Aw, baby shopping is fun! I shopped for a little bit, so Darryl sat outside waiting for me, I hate shopping with him -__-. Whudeverr, went back to his house and jst chilled. Saturday, I started studying for health psych, then I got ready for Rusels. I was one of the first ones to arrive, and one of the first ones to leave. It was fun, babyshowers are fun! Who's next, suckas?! After that, I headed to Darryl's house, since they're having an event for the March celebrants, which are Kaela on the 8th, Vanessa on the 12th, and some other people I don't really know. I think Janelle too, but I don't know the exact same day. I got there and I ran upstairs to see Kaela and gave her, her present, then I got to see Gaby! We had a very long session, since we haven't had the chance to catch up, and we did. People kept interrupting us, like Darryl (since we were in his room..lol). After that, I spent a little time with Darryl and the kids. Fun.

Sunday was sunday. Church and I continued my study sessions. Health psych has so much theories, it's almost hard to remember. Since it was daylight saving time, I decided to stay at Santa Clarita, I didn't wanna wake up all early. I stayed in Kim's room, while he slept in the loft. So nice of him.

Ugh! Though, I had the best weekend, it's probably a bad one academically! I hate when I have to exams in a day, that shit stresses and drains me, Now, I'm all fcuken scared, I don't think I did that good. After those, I met up with Darryl at the park, his usual basketball time. We picked up Vanessa, then we ate out at Del Taco. Fun fun conversation<3. Came back home, and he took a shower while I hung out with Vanessa. We had our simp time together before he left for his job interview. I miss him again<3

Soo soo inlove with that boy! Ugh..

Anyways, I'm so excited to get my fcuken tattoo this thursday! If all things goes as planned, whew!

I'm tired.

Hello tongue piercing.

Waddddup! I'm so happy, finally I've accomplished something.

So B- on my 3rd math exam isn't bad, now I'm just wondering which ones I got taken away. Rawr, this is legit.. I just have to maintain this confidence and this studying habits. Mmmm, I'm doing fine.

Health psych is whatever, I think it's really boring. Nothing has really blossomed me with the lectures. Retarded, but I really should start hitting those books. I'm such a procrastinator!

Mmkay, so I decided to be a rebel and get my tongue pierced (which my parents dont know). Whew! Finally, out of my system. Lol, I don't know what got into me, I remember talking to Charmaine, Kim, Erica and stuff about getting my tongue pierced. Next thing I know I'm sitting on my bed playing with em. Haha, so I finished my math exam today, and left school. I anticipated going in Artifact by myself (Yes, I'm a tough ass bitch). I signed some papers, gosh my heart was just racing. The girl made me rinse my mouth with the strongest listerine they have, omfg! Haha, so I sat there, and bam. Lol I looked at my tongue, wtf?! did I just pull this off? Haha, so I walked out the place like a happy camper.

I'm inlove with piercings! Haham last time I got one done was 2007. It's funny cuhs people are scared to get piercings but for some reason I'm not, I mean I freak out but when that needle hits me.. its nothing! I think I have a high tolerance for pain. Haha, dont get me started.. its just amusing. Next will be my 2nd ear piercings or my cartilage. I was also thinking a tattoo, but I don't know what to get and where. Darryl wants me to get one on my back, and I'm like I am not a tramp! Haha, it was funny :)

So, this weekend is Rusel's baby shower, I'm excited! Claire and I are going to go baby shopping on thursday, yay! Besides that, I have to do some major studying, I will be stuck on friday.. I need to get this shit in my brain. Lol, 2 exams! Omfg, I'm going to die.. no not really.

Mmmkay, so my dreams are fcuking weird! Lol, I'm just going to talk about this one cuhs I thought it was so HILARIOUS. So in my dream, Darryl, JJ (his bestfriend), and I.. went to a party. Then JJ and I ran and left Darryl, and we were peeking through the window and I saw his tattoo's and his face was pissed off, so I ran and hugged him. JJ was like "YOURE A BITCH".. haha then we went inside JJ's room, and I just jumped on Darryl and started making out with him. So I'm like your tattoo's are fcuking HOT! LOL, there was about 15 of them, and I asked him about eachone of them. It was ridiculous cuhs in conclusion all tattoos meant "I'm a fcuken ballah!".. and yeah.

I'm just passing time, but I know duty calls. Freaking homework! Rawrrr.

Quickie

I'm supposedd to be studying and just looking over some stuff, but I've been putting it off which is not good. Although, I feel pretty confident about it, so I dont need to spend so much time studying, cuhs throughout the week all I do is do homework and get math! Haha, I should start on chapter 6, though! Man fast phase is intense, I love it! Challenge is everything.

I really have nothing to blog about, thats why Ive been on hiatus with this. Nothing exciting is going on, my life is either school, family or darryl. I miss my friends so much.. :(. If only they weren't so far from me, shit.. but that doesnt stop us from connecting. Anyways, I cannot wait until I land on MSMC :))).. Im looking forward to it, Im going to be living with my skonkas, ohhhh<3 It's going to be with gaby first, Louisa will be joining us in a bit, and Im hearing that Karissa is heading to the nursing field. Haha typical skanks<3

Well, besides math, I should really start reviewing for health psych, my first exam is on th 9th, and I wanna aced that. I've just been lazy.. that is why reminders are such a good thing because they bug the shit out of me! Haha, it makes me wanna get it out of the way since its staring right at me! Haha.

Ive been thinking a lot, and Ive made a lot of realizations about the things thats been going on with my life. Public blogging isn't a place for venting about personal situations cuhs I know once someone reads this, it will turn out to be soemthing it isnt. So its just going to create drama and a humongous misunderstanding. As I learned, haha. But yeah.. so I did realize alot and I guess by talking to darryl made things a lot easier. At first I was hesitant to start the subject, I just hate when he's right. I do care alot about what other people think, and I do speculate alot. So I shouldnt make something a lot bigger than what it is. Only if you know how much it hurts me, when its staring me right in the eye.. :(

No regrets though. Moving on with my life..

Parents..

I love my parents, I do, and most of you that knows me know how my parents are. They're lenient with me towards a lot of things,for that I am grateful and I love them dearly. Fcuk, but sometimes they can get on my last nerves. I don't have it bad, I really don't.. I just wish I have more freedom than I have now. I guess its understandable that they get mad cuhs they're just worry, but I am well aware of the possibilities there are. I just think they need to let me go a little bit, now that I'm 19 and all. What the fcuk?

Well, I'm glad this day is over with! I've been stressing out the whole weekend because of my math exam. I felt pretty confident when I got to school, I reviewed a bit, and I did not freak out on the test, pshh I get test anxieties. Its all good I have a feeling I did so much better than my last one. Despite that, today is darryl's birthday.. he's 19 now! Git on my level :). I just realized that darryl's been there on my 17th, 18th and 19th birthday, and it goes the same for him; I've been on those 3 straight years of his birthday. Hm, thats history.. lol. I love that boy<3

The weekend didn't turn out the way I hoped for it. Babysitting mia was harder than I anticipated it to be. She kept giving me tantrums and all she wanted was "matt matt," haha whatevers shes still cute to me. She kept me up all saturday night, on top of that.. darryl came over at 12 and he slept at my house cuhs I didnt wanna make him drive when he was sleepy. Whew! I didn't get enough sleep, but I got through sunday, which was probably one of the sickest sunday.

Okay I aint gonna rant, I need some sleeep.

MATH TOMORROW, YAY!

What's this feeling called?

What the fcuk? I feel weird right now, something's either pssing me off or bothering me. I could think of a couple of reason but I'd rather not state it.

I've been talking on the phone with Tai for these couple of days. Catching up is always good, and gossiping is jst what girls do. I sometimes think about the people I use to be really close with, and for some reason I wonder why our friendship changed. I had a conversation with Tai about this. We were talking about how our older friends from highschool, you know those ones that are a year older than you, they tend to tell you enjoy your highschool years because once you step out of that place, things are going to change. Well, it has been clearly proven. Those relationship just changes, whether it is because of "shit happening" or time, nothing ever stays the same. It saddens me how I wish things were back to the way they were, but when you actually look at it, it isn't what it used to be. I'm trying, still trying.. because I know who I want to be in my future. Lol, writing about this publicly isn't the way to go, because no one really understand the situation. Whatever, I guess I'll leave it to here.

I was talking to my friend in math class today, he said that his friends were telling him that all he does is homework. Lol, and I can relate to that. It's exhausting, I come home.. I sit in the dinning table around 4 and I realize that 4 hours has passed. What the fcuk? My mom was getting mad at me cuhs I don't help out around the house. That got me mad for some reason, because I seriously barely have time from mondays - thursday. I'm only free over the weekends, talk about adding more pressure to me. Math is just overwhelming most especially because my class is accelerated, so it's a lot to take in one day. It's only been the second week of school and we're on chapter 4. I have like 2 sections to do every day, ahhhh! Okay well going back to my friend, I was telling him how when I'm jst alone, I start reviewing those math problems in my head, jst so I know I'm familiar with it. I think about it when im showering, driving, and sometimes even when im eating. Lol, Ohhhh mathhh.

My weekend looks pretty busy. I plan to finish all my math homework tomorrow, and study for my math test on monday. Then on saturday I'm pretty much going to be babysitting Mia :), which is what I'm really looking forward to, and sunday is church day.. so more math. Gosh! It's darryl's birthday on monday. If only I could ditch my health psych class so I can see darryl when he gets off school, unfortunately, that's a no no. I'm jst going to have to wait till 2.. sigh :(. I seriously have nothing planned yet, and my gift will be postponed, because I'm a little tight with the moolah. This is how broke girls do it.

Okay whatever I'm gonna knock out now.

My life ain't like yours.

"In order to understand my train of thoughts youre gonna have to put yourself in my position. You can't expect me to think like you, cuhs my life ain't like yours" -T.I.

I'm nineteen now, haha! Anyways.. I'll recap about my birthday I guess.

Sunday- Church. I left around 640 at Santa Clarita to go pick up Micah. We headed to Macaroni Grill, and we jst caught up. Aw I missed my bestfriend, I sometimes wish we weren't as busy. It was funny cuhs we jst sat there for like 10 mins talking, and we jst realized we haven't reserved a table.. -_-, Waited till Rusel and Val came. It was fun, we talked.. i guess ALOT, and let's just say more on val, but it's all good. Waiter sang for me, happy birthday in italian I'm guessing? Headed to Micahs house, and MORE talking. We watched For the first time, filipino movies are classic. 12:00 hit, people started texting and IMing me! Haha.. THANK YOU! After that we watched friends. I guess it was getting late and everyone was getting sleepy so we went our seperate ways. Darryl called me, so I came by to see him.. and he gave me my present, mmm :). Home around 3; then knocked out.

I woke up to my parents singing Happy Birthday to me, I think they were trying to talk to me, but I was way too sleepy. Got up around 10 to get ready. Darryl picked me up around 12ish? We headed to burbank to meet up with the skonkas at bjs. That was fun, though everyone was kind of in their little world, it's all good.. they still came to celebrate my birthday! Lol, then it was "Louisa's birthday" too, so we had two pizzokie, and stupid skonka stole my thunder! Haha! Went our seperate ways, while Darryl and I went to IKEA, cuhs I wanted to get some rugs for my room. Ugh, I knew I shoulda bought two of those ones I got last time. :(.. We headed home after that, and we jst spent some "quality time," as what Micah refers to it. He knocked out for half an hour, and he left around 5. He was supposed to go with my family to have dinner, but he still had homework.. and so I said it was fine. We headed to northridge around 6ish, got to claim jumper. That place is good, and now I think I have a new favorite place :) So Yeah, the day ended well. Most of the pictures are up on my facebook and myspace.

Today was a good day! I knew I felt good, and class went by fast. I was paying to much attention, and I get it! I'm so happy, math is becoming my bestfriend. I started doing homework around 3 and ended prolly a couple hours ago. Which isn't bad, I tried doing the next section, but I got stuck and I'm just going to wait till tomorrow. I saw darryl after class, and we did homework for a bit, sat together and ate cinnamon toast crunch, and we jst talked. But yeah, I really need to get my shit together, math shouldn't be kicking my ass. Oh well, I have study sessions on Tues&Thurs. Whooo!

I'm going to relax for a bit and start reading my psych book. :)

Valentine's day & Motivation

Happy Valentine's day to all you simps out there! Anyways, my valentine's day was alright; I got ready around 12. Darryl came over around 3, then he surprised me with a bouquet of flowers. Aw, my first valentine's day with him for 3 years that I got roses :). We spent about an hour laying in my bed trying to figure out what we were gonna do. This is why, ladies you do not let you man plan a date! Haha.. so we ended up staying indoors.. back at his house watching movies, cuddling and eating pizza. He said "It doesn't matter whether or not its valentine's day,it doesn't mean I'm going to love you more or less because of this day. I'm with you all the time and today isn't any different" .. yee yee yee, cheesy boy :) He took me home around 7.

Okay so, the other part of my tittle stated "motivation". The reason behind it is because, Darryl and I had this conversation the other day about college. He was right when he said before college started he thought that he was "dumb" because he was only attending a CC. But now, we realized that we get the same education as those people that attend CSU and UC. I was actually jealous of those people who got to go to UC and got to experience the whole dorming life. I want to be a part of that, I'm sure most of those people that didn't get to go to UC knows what I'm talking about. So here's when I say "I'm glad I fcuekd up my high school years".. because I realized, yeah I messed up but it only thought me to be serious about my college year. Because honestly, from my opinion I think that K-12 aren't shit, they are just a learning step to prepare you for college and the real world. So now that I'm in college I'm taking education a lot more seriously. Ha! So for those of you who doubted me, guess what bitches? EAT THIS SHIT.

Another thing, I got hom today and I received a letter from COC. It said that I was a part of the "President's Honors list".. its cuhs fall 2008 I received a GPA of 3. a50nd higher (which I got 3.75). Yeah, suck on that too. This motivated me, I know that I'm somewhat struggling in math.. cuhs I know it's my very weakness, but after this.. I am not giving up my hard work. Fall 2008 was such a burnt out semester for me, and though I'm kind of discouraged cuhs I hate math, I'm going to have to deal with it and love math, because I want this so bad. As I read the letter to my parents.. my mom hugged me. Gosh, that was about the best damn feeling in the world. My hard work from fall finally paid off. MSMC watch out for me.

As for my goals, I ought to start writting them down. Darryl asked me about it today, and I said I didn't know. So being Darryl, of course he told me to start writting my goals down.. and so I should. Well, nursing is not going to be any easier, but what is easy? I'm going to miss my regular sleep days.. hello readings. I'm excited and right at this moment I am motivated.

Once again, for all of you who looked down on me, I told you I was going to shove it up your asses. Here it goes! :)

WARNING:

this blog is going to contain a lot of bitchassness, so if you're not down for the "cranky steph".. Im suggesting you stop right here.

I'm so blahh right now, shit I dont even know how I'm going to express all my feelings without revealing the situation and the person that's involved. :(.. I'm starting to relate to that song sideline. It's so funny cuhs when I first heard it.. I liked it because it was so depressing and it addressed towards my previous feelings. I knew I was going to be able to relate to it again, I didn't think it was going to be this soon. Lemme tell you something, boys are just the dumbest bitchasses in this world. fd;ghksldjflicwadskhd.acn! FCUK!

I miss you and I'm just not used to missing you..

Whatever, I should jst be fcuken thankful.

On a lighter note, I was going shopping for valentines after school today. I bought the cutest card ever! It's so funny when this happens, there's just that ONE special card that is meant for you. I was looking for the cutest card, but I couldn't find it.. so I picked up this one card; I started reading it.. and I go HOLY SHIT! THIS IS IT.. then I never let go. Haha. Then I bought my "gift".. it's going to be so funny. I just hope everything goes well as far as valentines day. SIGH..

I was looking forward for valentines/my bday weekend, but now I don't think I'm THAT ecstatic about it. FCUKING SHIT. Okay MTB4 is showing in a bit.

Okay, I'm not in a good mood right now. I cannot concentrate in math and the more I try, the more I get fcuking pissed off. I know that math takes practice but damn, I am freaking annoyed that I can't get that shit right. Ugh.. patience, I don't have.

Another thing that is bothering me is this whole "trying to help other people". So I do something with good intentions trying to help "someone".. then that person ratt me out, and its like, hello, I'm helping you here then you decide to ratt on me. I should've learned from the first one. Yee yee, I'm a snitch, get the fcuk over it. I swear I'm done helping other people.. I'm jst gonna shut my mouth from now on. Ugh, I said that the first time.

Today is actually the only day I had time to blog. Saturday was such a fun day that I ended up staying till 3. A lot happened, but I'm not going into details.. basically, it was all fun. That's all. Sunday was an intense morning, the preaching about children and parent's relationship got to my mom, and when I saw her crying.. I started busting out crying. Then my dad did too.. so I cried even more. I mean think I'm weird or whatever, but the whole church was ballinnnn. So that's that.

Yesterday was the first day of school, it went fine. The only thing I didn't like was the massive headache I had when I woke up. It's annnoying, I felt like it wasnt going to go away and that I might not go to school. Luckily, it did.. but holy crap.. it was freezing, and while I was walking to class.. it started hailing! -__-.. great. So now I'm sick.. superb. The day was long, as I have 3 classes on mondays. Whew. Whatever..

And now I'm taking a break from math cuhs I think I'm going to rip my book if I try solving it. I need a tutor, it's supposed to be easy because I've done this before. But gosh, I haven't taken math since soph yr, and I'm out of touch, everything's gone. I'm such an idiot!

I'm also annoyed that I haven't talked to darryl. I haven't heard his voice and I'm going crazy! He IMed me earlier today and told me he didn't have his phone. So i can't call him, ughhh.. call me already.. and maybe I can head back to work. I wanna talk to him so I can complain and whine, cuhs I know he slaps me back to reality when I do. I jst need that right now. Ahhh..

Okay! I'm excited for tonight, though its not anything big. I should be getting ready in a bit, but my brother's taking a shower, so I'm jst laying down right now.

Well, a little earlier ago, I was looking through my pictures. And you know when you look at them you remember exactly what was going on that exact moment and what you were thinking. Well, I looked back on a couple of special events of my life. So I realized in about a year span, I lost friends, and gained some. Good thing or a bad thing? Well, gaining friends are always a plus, especially when they grow on you. But losing friends are a no no, though a realize.. they probably didn't deserve to be in your future, no matter how "close" you thought you were. Sighh, I'm letting go of this one. But as for the ones I know deserve to be in my future, you know I'm going to work on our friendship. Jst trying to regain what I lost.. cuhs I really miss those days. I'm celebrating my birthday in about a week and I'm thinking will the same people who were there with me last year will be here this year? Oddness. Anyways, that's a little insight on what's going on inside my head. Haha.. whatevahhh!

Ohh, i'm so excited! Most especially to see ryan, rick and ceejay! I don't know why for gaby and I that's such a hype. I guess I miss those trio. They better not let me down! :).. Okay, I gotta get ready now. Biatchhhhhh :)